On August 24th 2018 I had my last dose of radiotherapy marking the end of “active treatment” for breast cancer. 3 days later I turned 40. I had a quiet weekend away with my family to celebrate; I was tired, oh so tired and a bit sore, but we had a some lovely family time.
I wanted a big party for my big 40. I love parties, especially the dancing and I've been planning my 40th in my head since I turned 39. Organising a party, however, is hard work and enjoying one requires a level of stamina I just didn’t have yet. Did I mention I was tired?! I developed an unexpected eye problem shortly after finishing treatment (read more about that here ) which only served to make life more exhausting. Then I returned to work, which took up all the focus and energy I had left, leaving nothing for party planning.
Eventually, by mid October, I felt like I had enough in the tank to consider organising a party. Was I being silly and self-indulgent, considering a party to mark a milestone that happened over 6 weeks ago? I worried I was.
I phoned around venues, no Saturdays were available this side of new year, but I did find a hall with availability the Sunday night before half term; I reserved it. A quick check with friends showed that I’d likely be able to gather enough to make it worth while, so I booked it. I had 14 days to the party; with lots of googling and phoning around I had a DJ, an adult bouncy castle, karaoke and some giant garden games by the end of the weekend.
Despite some very reasonable rates from the suppliers, the costs for the party were already wracking up, and I didn’t feel comfortable spending so much money on myself. Still to organise was the critical and expensive food and drinks! I feared hiring a caterer would double the cost of the party, so once again, I turned to my fabulous friends. I gathered volunteers for a bring and share buffet and wrote a spreadsheet of things I’d like to eat, (lots of dietary requirements here - but that’s a blog for another day). I borrowed lots of slow cookers to keep the hot food hot and so, with a little help, we had a great spread.
I think everyone has anxieties when planning a party and most of the people I spoke to in the run up to this one seemed confused as to what type of party I was going for. Most people have their 40th Birthday parties in a bar, but I knew that wasn't for me.
I wanted an adult party, that was child friendly.
I wanted there to be alcohol but not too boozy.
I wanted fun and games with out it feeling childish.
I wanted it in the evening, but not so late that I fell asleep.
In essence, I wanted a wedding reception, without the wedding!
In the end I managed to squash down my anxieties about not matching other people’s expectations and the wedding reception analogy helped other people understand the vibe I was going for.
I had an amazing time at my party, it was unashamedly me. I hired a bouncy castle suitable for adults and WOW, I now know why the kids get so sweaty... it’s hard work! 🤣 I taught some of my friends my favourite childhood board game; pass the pigs. I danced the night away to some of my favourite tunes, with awesome inflatable instruments to add to the fun. One of my best friends organised the decorations, including an epic, F _ _ _ OFF CANCER balloon. The party food was so yummy, and because I'd organised it myself, I knew exactly what I could enjoy, without anxiety about the ingredients.
By the end of the night, I was no longer worried whether I deserved my party, I was having too much fun letting my hair down (metaphorically speaking of course!). I felt so grateful for my life last night; it's full of great people, friends, kids and husband. I wasn’t expecting any gifts on top of all the food and assistance that people brought; but I received some very thoughtful gifts with some emotional, life affirming messages inside.
I‘m so glad I chose to celebrate where my life is now. It was a bit belated for a birthday party and a bit delayed for an end of treatment party. Side effects and cancer medicines haven’t completely disappeared from my life, so it doesn’t feel like I’ve reached a clean cut, end. I had anxieties and doubts over whether or not I should be having a party at all.
Oct 21st was not a milestone, but I'm here, I’m happy and I’m physically stronger than I have been all year; that alone is worth an epic celebration.
Thank you to everyone who helped make it happen.
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