Grit, determination, perserverance; these are the qualities I assocciate with success.
But are they?
And what is success anyway?
And should we be forever chasing it?
I ran #parkrun today, it was the first one I've made in a couple of months. 8am on Saturday morning I'm usually tired, especially since I've started doing more exercise during the week, getting dressed for a run is a lot less appealing than staying in bed for a bit longer! Today I won the battle with myself and I made it to the start line on time. Given this was my first timed run in a few months, I was determined to push myself hard. I wanted to see how much my fitness has improved recently, I wanted to see if I was any closer to my pre-cancer PB.
Today, however, was ferociously hot and the heat was kicking my butt. I kept getting dizzy spells and I kept stopping to walk. I get my sense of pride in running from crossing the finish line knowing I couldn't have done any more, from doing my best. My sense of achievement in running, comes from running faster or further than I've ran before. I am constantly pushing myself to improve and I rarely actually enjoy my runs. Today I was positively hating it. Every time I stopped to walk I felt like a failure and by half way around the dizzy spells were getting worse and I was walking as much as I was running.
Then it dawned on me, I didnt have to "do my best", I could change my expectation of this run. When I was ill I often chose to adapt my goals, accept my limitations, find calm and gratitude for what I had instead of striving for more. These values of flexibility, acceptance and calm got me through my toughest days and weeks not grit or determination or perserverance. So, today half way through my run I changed my goal; I decided to accept that my body doesnt cope well with heat and that nothing good would come from pushing myself today. I decided to walk the rest and to walk it well, not as a defeated runner but as a purposeful walker. I lifted my head and relaxed my shoulders, I took big breaths and big strides, I swung my arms and admired the view. The park was so beautiful in the sunshine and I was able to enjoy it.
I really enjoyed the second half of parkrun today. I continued to run some bits when I felt I wanted to which is a world of difference from walking bits when I felt I needed to. I haven't given up on a PB and I know there will be other days when pushing myself feels right, but not today. Today I learnt that I dont always have to "do my best".
Grit, determination and perserverace may lead to a more successful run but acceptance, flexibility and calm lead to a happier one.
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